| why can't we all just be real with each other? i guess that's easier said than done. |
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| i have all these thoughts in my head right now that i want to just get out.
i somewhat regret not listening to my parents about things that happened to me in high school. ill admit it, my parents forbid me to date people, but i did anyway. i say somewhat because i learned from each experience. i have not made the best choices in my life, but at the same time its because of those choices that i am at the place that i am at now. but thinking back on those times, i was always in my own little world. not telling my parents and hiding things from them was like holding back a huge part of my life from people who raised me with their bare hands and hard work. i feel so selfish now, looking back on it. i dont want to get into anymore relationships without my parents knowing. but the next time that i do get into a relationship, i want to have their blessing. i supposed i am old enough to get into a "real relationship" now, but i sorta don't really want to. im having fun being on my own and not having to consider a significant other.
the other thing that's been on my mind is that yesterday i spent pretty much the whole day with two of my high school friends. they told me the situation that they were in. one went to college, did badly, so her parents won't pay for her schooling anymore. so she's taking a year off to work full time for enough money to go to cosmotology school and earn some money that way, so that she can go back to school. and all of this is because she's slightly depressed because her parents are always putting her down, so she stopped trying in school. my other friend also has to pay for everything, and has to BORROW even 20 dollars. not ask for, but borrow. and she feels bad when her parents give her $20. $20. my gosh. when i started school, my parents gave me one grand to start off the year. and they pay for my tuition. although i pay for everything else and barely ask for money, my parents have never cut me short of anything. anything that i really need and can't afford, my parents have given me. i want to help my friends. i want to say, i'll help you pay for your schooling- but i don't even have that ability. for the first time in a while, i felt completely helpless, and no words could bring them any sort of good solution. my girls are fighting to get an education, while i just sit there not even trying my best in school, not even after everything that has been put on a plate and fed to me. what is wrong with me? i dont even have the slightest clue what it's like to not have any idea where my life is going. MY friends- the girls that i grew up with, the girls that were raised in the same little town as me...they're just barely treading water and i can't help them at all. how is it that i am the way that i am, and they are the way that they are? it doesnt seem fair. i have taken everything that i have for granted. and even through it all, they are still able to laugh with me for an entire day about everything and nothing until our stomachs ached, as if life were just as simple as it used to be in high school. and even though i was laughing with them, my mind was on their troubles the whole day, and i'm sure theirs were as well. my heart aches for them.
...at what point did life get so complicated? |
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| meh. perhaps i should start on harry potter and the half blooded prince....since i've had it for over a year now i think?
today was a good day. started my day bright and early with some aaron fong. we played tennis. which was fun. i learned many things today, but i think the biggest lesson learned is that he's a big fat liar. dont believe him when he says "i'm ok..." or "i'm really bad..." or "go easy on me...". how do you make one of those angry anime faces things. >:D? that looks happy. maybe its >:E?  . there. |
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| "Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle." - Proverbs 23: 4-5 |
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